Be Grateful

Survived the crash date

“What’s your last training ride if you don’t cry on it?” I posed to Sully after I had gotten off the bike, gotten some food and gotten some perspective. I was on the last 40 minutes of my 4 plus hour ride and almost to 50 miles. I had one of my banana wraps explode in my jersey pocket earlier which had put me in a calorie deficit, had been facing a strong headwind on the way back and was about half way up the segment after Powerline (about a 45 minute climb) when I lost it. Not fully, complete
breakdown mode, I didn’t have that much energy to waste- but my fears bubbled up to the surface and I did the most logical thing to do- released them in the form of tears. “What if the race isn’t fun, what if I’m slow, what if I don’t PR, what if I crash on this descent and don’t get to race, what if it was all for naught.” Everything came out and then I reached the summit, turned around and descended back to my car to eat my emergency snickers- as they say, you aren’t you when you’re hungry.

If you give a moose a salt block….

Sully pointed out that this was normal, and it seemed to happen at least once a year in training mode for me. It was true and I probably would have been surprised if I had made it through the whole thing without crying. It doesn’t help that I’ve been living out of a laundry basket of riding clothes from my car as all of my things have been moved for the start of law school and my lease ended July 31st. Fortunately I’ve had some stability in the form of my family’s cabin over by Crested Butte, no internet, no cell service (there is a landline), and no people which has led to my first Pintrest Project, and moose watching! It’s also given me a lot of time to just be, especially before the chaos that this week will bring, with law school orientation, flying back to CO, racing Leadville and then flying back to start law school.

I’ve put a lot of stress around getting a PR at Leadville and trying to get as close to 9 hours as possible. It will be rather hard, as my best training times put me around 9:30 and that’s been for only half the distance. It’s stupid to put so much focus on this one race though, I’ve had a great season and

Like this ride to a carousel…

some really epic training rides. If something goes catastrophically wrong at Leadville, it’s not the end of the world. I’m not defined by this race–  plus I did register for 2016 already soooo….

When I finally told my mother in passing that I did register for 2016, she said she figured “I would and it was fine as long as it remained fun but to also remember that when I’m climbing those hills in Leadville that I could be on the flats of Iowa with a party bus behind me” (there is talk about doing RAGBRAI- the ride across Iowa, with the whole gang). She does have a point if anything it’s just a great last hurrah before law school – I mean what’s a going away party without 1500 other people to celebrate with you?

I did express some of my fears to Barb, who has accomplished many Ironmans, marathons, x-terras, triathlons and various other athletic accomplishments- and she gave me some great advice “Stay in the moment. Pass through the bad patches. Be grateful. You got this!” And so heading into race day, I will remember to be grateful that I even have the opportunity to get to the starting line. 

Calm before the storm. 

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